Last night was what felt like the 95th Republican presidential debate this year, but you probably didnt know that because it was on Fox Business which is the channel your dad only flips to when he doesnt want to get caught beating his meat. It was full of all the dumb you might expect: Trump saying horrendous things, followed by nearly-sensible things that suggest he doesnt have the energy to keep up the act. Ted Cruz mugging at the camera like hes Will Ferrell playing George W Bush. Carly Fiorina touting her business record despite being a very bad business person. Ben Carson occasionally opening his mouth to let the locusts that breed there escape. But for me the highlight of the night was when they got to arguing over what they would do if banks closed (go to the ATM, duh):
Throughout the whole thing, theyre arguing that while theyd like to let these eeeeeevillll big banks fold, something would have to be done because they wouldnt want hard working Americans to lose their life savings. I dont want that either, so its a good thing that wouldnt happen. I worked at a shitty retail bank (the kind where you open checking accounts) after college, and even I know about a little something called the Federal Deposit Insurance Commission (FDIC), which insures bank accounts up to $250k. It was created in the 1930s after the Great Depression, which you’d think the people on stage would know. But who needs basic economic knowledge when youre campaigning to run the worlds largest economy, amirite?
Heres the rest of the shit going on in the world today:
The New York Times Fact Checked Some Statements From Last Nights Debate (New York Times)
Spoiler alert – a lot of bullshit was said by bullshitters.
New York State Tells Daily Fantasy Football Sites To Fuck Off (NBC News)
If youre lucky, maybe your boyfriend can get back some of the money he lost on DraftKings and buy you something decent for Christmas for a change.
T-Mobile Will Let You Stream Shit For Free, But That Might Be A Bad Thing (The Verge)
This momentous decision affects literally dozens of T-Mobile customers.
Shit Continues To Be Very Real At Mizzou After Guy Makes Threats Over Social Media (USA Today)
Threatening to shoot black people is pretty much the definition of having no chill (and racism).
The iPad Pro Came Out Today, And The Critics Are All Meh (Macworld)
Imagine that, turning a fine tablet into a shitty laptop was a questionable idea.
The Victorias Secret Fashion Show Was Last Night (Los Angeles Times)
By the time it actually airs, the pics will have been on the web for so long that no one will give a shit.