I never went to Bible camp.
The closest thing I’ve ever owned to a purity ring is a ring a bought in Nepal, which has the eye of the Buddha.
Because my mother was raised by herEvangelical aunt and uncle,Christian dogma is just nails on the chalkboard for my mother.
The only thing I can ever remember my parents well, let’s be honest, mostly my mom saying to me regarding abstinence was, “Be safe.”
Last week, when I slept over at the apartment of the guy I’m seeing, my dear mother simply commented that I looked like I had been, “rode hard and put away wet” when I came home the next morning.
(The joke’s on her. I just happen to have super long hair that gets tangled easily.)
But despite all of this, I am the only one in my friend group who is still a virgin at the ripe old age of 19.
I’m not even remotely religious, and I’m uncertain if I ever want to get married because, as a feminist, I can’t get past the idea women were and in some parts of the world, still historically considered their husbands’ property.
While I totally respect people who want to wait until marriage, I also question how realistic that mindset is in this day and age.
For me, virginity symbolizes very little except another item to check off my proverbial bucket list.
(Spoiler alert: I’ve already checked off “go to Australia,” “hike the Himalayas” and “lick whipped cream off a guy’s stomach.” That was an interesting night.)
But somehow, I can’t bring myself to go all the way.
Being a perfectionist, I always imagined losing my virginity would resemble a combination of “The Notebook” and every early Taylor Swift music video.
I wanted the guy to be my best friend and greatest confidante.
I also wanted him to be arrestingly handsome (if you catch my drift).
Do I seem shallow? Well, that’s because frankly, I was.
While I’m realizing I will likely never find the perfect person, regret has never sat well with me.
I hate the idea of looking back on that milestone and feeling regretful (or worse, neutral) about it.
Here are six more reasons why I am still a virgin, despite having zero religious motives:
1. Women are constantly boxed in as either promiscuous or pure.
We’re eithersluts or prudesand good or bad, as if our characters can be painted in black and white based on our sex lives.
While I realize the absurdity of this, I still worry about certain people judging me for not “waiting until marriage” or “holding out for Mr. Right.”
2. Being a virgin makes me feel special and unique.
I worry that losing it would cause me to have a total identity crisis.
3. If my period is even a day late, I freak out.
I do this even though I logically know it’s impossible for me to be pregnant.
If I were sexually active, this would drive me insane with worry.
As someone who finds babies odd at best and downright icky at worst, the idea of being pregnant sounds like a complete nightmare.
4. I’ve heard so many horror stories about birth control.
Also, the pill makes most women gain weight, so…
5. I worry that a guy will leave me.
I’m also concerned he’ll just see me as a nice piece of ass if I have sex with him.
6. I want to have something to look forward to after college.
Since I have a bit longer before I become a full-fledged adult, I like the idea of having another post-college milestone to look forward to.
Though I may not necessarily wait all the way until marriage, I want to have something that symbolizes the end of an era.
For me, sex is one of the biggest adulthood milestones.
Right now, I couldn’t feel further from a true adult.
I don’t have my own apartment, I’m still in school and I haven’t started my career yet.
I want to enjoy my remaining years of youth untethered from the emotional complications of sex.